Knowing the reason that suffering occurs is a critical step in the path to overcoming it. In the first words the Buddha spoke after he attained enlightenment, he went straight to the point:
“There are these two extremes that are not to be indulged in by one who has gone forth. Which two? That which is devoted to sensual pleasure with reference to sensual objects: base, vulgar, common, ignoble, unprofitable; and that which is devoted to self-affliction: painful, ignoble, unprofitable. Avoiding both of these extremes, the middle way realized by the Tathagata — producing vision, producing knowledge — leads to calm, to direct knowledge, to self-awakening, to Unbinding.”
What these words mean is that we cannot be happy as long as we are attached to controlling whether we get good feelings or not. While this seems a bit counter intuitive, it goes to the heart of the Buddha’s teaching. Positive, negative and neutral feelings come and go according to causes that operate over a long period of time. Certainly, we can normally cause them to arise for a short period using our will power but that often only adds to the problem by creating more craving. Instead, the Buddha taught that we are better off if we train ourselves to accept things as they are in the present moment without grasping. When we adopt this more relaxed attitude with the mind in the present moment, this lays down the basis for good feelings to come to us on their own so we don’t have to grasp for them.
The Buddha implored us to reverse, through repeated mindfulness, the attachment to impatiently following each and every craving or to suppressing those cravings through excessive will power. If we follow his teachings closely, this will eventually lead to a peaceful abiding where the mind is gently accepting of all kinds of conditions rather than attaching to them.